wise words

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Is there ANYTHING more delicious than a nutella + banana crepe?

bentonville's finest.

(“Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset?  And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feed.  And also, you’re drunk.” – Jack Handy)

I think not.

glamour shot (was happily COVERED in powdered sugar...)

Thank you, Nutella, for making my life so much more enjoyable + delicious!  :)

behold its glory

Fine, I’ll just come out and say it already…I LOVE CREPES!!

“Just say it Ricky Bobby…” “I…Love…Crepes!”

Well, that’s all I’ve got.  As a result of my weekend in Arkansas, my brain is barely functioning today.  “We are all now dumber having listened to you…  I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

xx, L

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As previously mentioned, I just finished reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo for book club.  It was incredibly loooooonggggg and detailed, but I really enjoyed it.  I want to see the Swedish movie, but I feel like something might get lost in translation with the English subtitles.  Lucky for me, it looks like they are remaking it in the U.S. with none other than Mr. Brad Pitt:  http://alturl.com/am7t  Now that’s exciting!

For June, book club decided to move on to The Help.  I just got it in the mail today, and it is kind of a beast – but I’m really looking forward to reading it.  I’ve heard it’s a bit like the Million Little Pieces of 2010.  (Not in the storyline, of course, but the fact that everyone is reading it poolside.)

Here’s the Q+DD on The Help:

The Help is a 2009 novel by American author, Kathryn Stockett.  It is about African American maids working in white households in Jackson, Mississippi during the early 1960s.  The novel is told from the perspective of three characters: Aibileen, a middle aged African American maid who has spent her life raising white children and has recently lost her only son; Minny, an African American maid who has often offended her employers despite her family’s struggles with money and her desperate need for jobs; and Skeeter, a young white woman who has recently moved back home after graduating college to find out her childhood maid has mysteriously disappeared.  These three stories intertwine to explain how life in Jackson, Mississippi revolves around “the help;” yet they are always kept at a certain distance because of racial lines.  The novel is Stockett’s debut.  It took her five years to complete the book, which was rejected by at least 45 literary agents.  The Help has since been published in 35 countries and in three languages.  (www.wikipedia.com)

Simultaneously, I’m reading Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Jhumpa Lahiri’s, latest book, Unaccustomed Earth.  She is my one of my favorite authors, and I’m absolutely tearing through UE!  If you liked Interpreter of Maladies, you will love UE.

Here’s the Q+DD on Unaccustomed Earth:

After Interpreter of Maladies, Jhumpa Lahiri’s Pulitzer Prize-winning book, Unaccustomed Earth is her second collection of short stories.  Much like her other books, Unaccustomed Earth is also a reflection of life with two separate cultures, and how people cope with one and the other.  It made number one on the New York Times Book Review list of “10 Best Books of 2008″ as chosen by the paper’s editors. (www.wikipedia.com)

She’s so pretty, too…

you are brilliant.

AND, without further adieu, here’s a picture of our adorable book club:

nerds

Happy reading!  :)

xx, L

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I’m baaaaaaack!

A week of fun in the sun with my fam was PRECISELY what the doctor ordered…I am a brand new woman!

It’s amazing what more than 5 hours of sleep will do for a girl.

Do not disturb!

I have lots of things to tell you guys, but I was NOT the appointed Historian of the trip, so I need to wait for my seestah to upload some pix. (ahem, KATIE.) But in the meantime, and in light of the fact that poolside weather is HERE – I’d like to issue the warning that someone had given me before I sailed the high seas…

OK.  If you read this blog regularly, you know that I am wrinkle-obsessed. I have an unnatural relationship with my dermatologist (Hi, Jamie!), I prefer my tan in airbrush form, and I have become absolutely MILITANT about sunscreen.

It's not. And neither are the crow's feet. Fact.

Sunscreen is crucial. Not just at the beach or poolside and not just in the summer but EVERY. SINGLE.  DAY. At LEAST on your face, neck, and hands.  (old hands = dead giveaway.  Trust.)

That said, I love NOTHING more than parking myself in a lounge chair all day reading trashy novels, sipping cocktails, and taking dips in the nearest body of water (ocean, lake, pool, sprinkler system…whatever…I’m not picky!)

But since the plan is to look like this when I’m 80
(sorry, not sorry.) I generally rely on a combo/cocktail of the following…

Peter Thomas Roth SPF 15 mist

Blue Lizard Sport SPF 30 (bottle turns blue in UV light! Fun!)

Don't judge.

which is usually pretty fool-proof. However: on day 1 (um, that’s right.  The first day.) I sat out in the BLAZING Caribbean sun, and while I finished both Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang…

Hilarious...but still preferred Are You There Vodka?...

And more than few of these bad boys…
…a few crucial areas of my body fried beyond all comprehension. I am talking LOBSTER CITY.  They were: my NOSE, my EARS, my SCALP, and my TOES  (and one random circle on my left leg.  Weird.)

Friends don’t let friends get weird sunburns. (Isn’t that how that saying goes?) So be sure and stock up on your SPF.

It’s officially bathing suit season!

xx, L

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Y’all.  This is BIG.  As many of you know, Chelsea Handler will be @ the Fox Theatre on March 28th for two shows on her Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang Tour*.

love!

One show is at 5:00 p.m. and there’s another at 8:00 p.m.  (With the way this woman takes down Belvedere Vodka, the 8:00 p.m. show is sure to be memorable…)  Tickets start around $80ish.  That’s old news, though…

genius

absolutely brilliant

What I’m really excited about is a recently announced book signing Chels is having @ Outwrite Bookstore + Coffeehouse on Sunday, March 28 from 1:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.!!  As a frequent viewer of Chelsea Lately + proud owner of all three of her hilarious books, My Horizontal Life + Hello Vodka It’s Me, Chelsea + Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang (my book club’s book of the month) – I can’t wait to pawn off these babies to some kind soul willing to stand in line to get Ms. Handler’s famous John Hancock all over them.  (I have a conflicting wedding shower…)

Don’t miss the opportunity to meet this comedic genius!! 

FYI:  I showed up three hours early to get Amy Sedaris’ signature before her show in Atlanta and I wasn’t even close to the front of the line when she had to stop signing.  I’d suggest getting in line really early!  Outwrite is on the corner of 10th Street + Piedmont in Midtown. 

*Desperate Plea: With big, looming trips to Austin, Puerto Rico and upstate New York on the horizon, I needed to draw the excessive spending line somewhere.  So, sadly, I will not be attending Ms. Handler’s show.  However, if you’ve recently planted a money tree and would like a companion on the 28th – I can be that girl!  I can.  I’m that nice!  Just something to keep in mind… :)

If any of you are going to the show or happen to meet Chels – I want to hear e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.!

xx, L

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Did you know that yesterday was dear ol’ Dr. Seuss’s birthday? Well, it was.

Theodor Seuss Geisel was born on 03/02/04!

Throughout my whole life, I have ALWAYS been a big Dr. Seuss fan, I’m sure we all were at one point or another, right?  I mean, whose childhood didn’t include The Cat in the Hat, Horton Hears a Who, or Green Eggs and Ham?

Usual Suspect.

Sidebar: remember when Season 5 Top Chef contender Carla made Green Eggs and Ham during a quickfire challenge?



Don’t you think she kinda looks a little like a resident of Whoville?
:

Coincidence? I think not...

Hootie-hoo, Carla! (I love you.)

I digress.

As I was saying, somehow Dr. Seuss always finds his way into my life at every stage. Some of my earliest memories are of my superawesome dad making up tunes to the silly songs in The Cat in the Hat Songbook…

Plinker Plunker!

…and as a suddenly environmentally-conscious 5th grader, I wrote what I considered to be a very moving paper on The Lorax.  Sometimes, riiiiight around wine-time, DK will dig it up to embarrass the heck out of me.

"I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues!"

The Good Doctor Seuss even followed me to college when DK gave me a copy of Oh, The Places You’ll Go as I settled into my dorm room at the University of Texas.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose."

Oh, and let’s not forget about Seussical the Musical (!!!) which opened on Broadway in 2000!  (…just to be sure that eeeeeeeevery last one of my tender little heartstrings were played upon…)

"Just tell yourself, duckie, you're really quite lucky!"

Then, when I moved to NYC myself, I met a wonderful guy named Andrew who educated me on the lost art of Dr. Seuss:

From www.drseussart.com: “Dr. Seuss single-handedly forged a new genre of art that falls somewhere between the Surrealist Movement of the early 20th Century and the inspired nonsense of a precocious child’s classroom doodles.”

Andrew had a truly mesmerizing (not to mention enormous) landscape painting in his apartment
and I came to learn that Seuss not only worked in illustrations and paint, but also bronze sculpture and “unorthodox taxidermy”

Even now, as a full-fledged adult (scary.), I often find myself considering the wise words of Dr. SeussCheck it:

“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you.”


“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”


“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”


“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”

And finally, my favorite (my sister’s favorite too):

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Bringing it all full-circle for me, next Saturday my very, very dear friends Jess and Adam will be celebrating the first birthday of THE MOST ADORABLE CHILDREN EVER, otherwise known as their kids, my pseudo niece and nephew, Eli and Alexa, with a Seuss-themed birthday party…where the twin guests of honor will appear as Thing 1 and Thing 2!

Precious!

But if you’d like to have your OWN Seuss celebration, you’re in luckOn SUNDAY, MARCH 21st the Breman Jewish Heritage & Holocaust Museum, will be hosting a “Seussian” Birthday Party in conjunction with their fascinating exhibition, “Dr. Seuss Goes to War…and More!”, a collection of Ted Grisel’s WWII political cartoons.

showing now through 08/31/10

Click here for details.

So, HAPPY 106th BIRTHDAY, Dr. Seuss… from the Q+DD!

oh, and happy 1st birthday, A + E! Aunt LK loves you!

Oh, the places you'll go!

xx, L

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In case you haven’t noticed, I have a little bit of a love affair going on with my home state.  Although I grew up in suburban North Dallas, I’m for the rodeo, Wrangler jeans (not worn by anyone I’m dating – but I like them on Texans, generally) and wild bluebonnets.  I think Kinky Friedman is one of the best men on God’s green Earth.  Visiting the Tony Lama store in El Paso brought a tear to my eye.  I’m sure that Austin is the greatest city I’ve ever lived in and I know that it will always have my heart.  I remember the Alamo – REMEMBER THE ALAMO!  (And yes, I know we lost it.)  I own a cactus.  I think burnt orange is sexy and my fitted cowboy hat is one of my most prized possessions.  Like a true Texan, I love the Dallas Cowboys and the Mavericks – when the teams are playing well, that is.  I’ve been known to sing “Deep in the Heart of Texas” in the shower, clapping and all.  I think cowboy boots are an essential part of a wardrobe.  I’ll happily smother salsa on anything I’m eating.  And, I love Texas country music.

Austin

Austin

Rougher than watered-down-Nashville-country-music, Texas country musicians really know how to rock.  In particular, I’m a big Pat Green fan.  He’s about as Texas country as they come: born in San Antonio, raised in Waco, educated at Texas Tech and toured with Willie Nelson.  His songs like “Southbound 35,” which references the drive I used to make between Dallas and Austin for school, “Carry On,” which suggests you should eat + drink your cares away at El Arroyo – one of my favorite Austin Tex-Mex joints and “Texas On My Mind” are a great comfort to me living in the South, where people tend to find my state pride irritating.  (I know they are just jealous.)  :)

Lady Bird Lake - Me + Stevie Ray

Lady Bird Lake = Me + Stevie Ray

Pat Green’s concerts are packed in Texas.  In fact, he may just be the most famous country music artist you’ve never heard of…  Well, as luck would have it, Pat Green is preforming in Atlanta at Variety Playhouse on Thursday, February 25 @ 8:00 p.m.  Tickets are super cheap and it’s going to be a great show! 

Pat Green

Pat Green

Need a bit more convincing?  This should help – here’s the Q+DD on Pat Green:

I’m for wildflowers in the window
Mechanics you can trust
I’m for crackers in my chili
And leavin’ grudges in the dust

I’m for drive thru order takers
Who can muster up a smile
I’m for takin’ in that stray dog
That’s been hangin’ round for awhile

I’m for turning off the TV
Gettin’ off the Internet
I’m for learning all the words
To the Gettysburg Address

I’m for dusty pawn shop guitars
And boxers passed their prime
I’m for soakin’ up the wisdom
When an old man speaks his mind.

I’m for laid off factory workers
When the wolf is at the door
You don’t have to guess what I’m against
If you know what I’m for

I’m for Texas Margaritas
Gettin’ outta debt
I’m for havin’ faith in something
That hasn’t happened yet

For the shy kid in the corner
Afraid to ask the girl to dance
For the ex-con outta prison
Who just wants a second chance

For the inner city teacher
With her heart stuck in her throat
Can still see God in every child
And never gives up hope

I’m for dusty pawn shop guitars
And boxers passed their prime
I’m for soakin’ up the wisdom
When and old man speaks his mind

I’m for Detroit factory workers
When the wolf is at the door
You don’t have to guess what I’m against
If you know what I’m for

I’m counting all my blessings
When the wolf is at my door
You don’t have to ask what I’m against
You don’t have to guess what I’m against
You know what I’m for

 - Pat Green “What I’m For”

Pat Green

Pat Green

Goosebumps.  Everytime, goosebumps…  If you are looking for a fun, high energy concert, I encourage y’all to check out Mr. Green on February 25.  Plus, Variety is a killer place to see a live show.  I’ll be there clad in vintage boots, my cowboy hat and tight jeans (J Brand - not Wranglers, but whatev.) attempting to get Slick to two-step with me. “So, take me out to the dancehall/ Tap my foot down to the rhythm/ Tell ‘em to play that old song that we all love…” 

Just don’t forget:

IMG_3395

xx, L

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I can’t even begin to explain how totally, completely, incredibly stoked I am that Spring Awakening is traveling to Atlanta in March! 

Attention Everyone: You absolutely must see this play!

I spy one of LK's favorite GLEE cast members...

I spy one of LK's favorite GLEE cast members...

If you aren’t that into theater (yet!) or haven’t heard of S.A., here’s the Q+DD on the show:

Spring Awakening is a rock musical adaptation of the controversial 1891 German play of the same title by Frank Wedekind.  It features music by Duncan Sheik and a book and lyrics by Steven Sater.  Set in late-nineteenth century Germany, it concerns teenagers who are discovering the inner and outer tumult of sexuality.  The original play was banned in Germany for about a century due to its portrayal of abortion, rape, bondage, child abuse and suicide.  In the musical, alternative rock is employed as part of the folk-infused rock score.  Spring Awakening received eleven 2007 Tony Award nominations, winning eight, including Tonys for best musical, direction, book, score and featured actor.  The show also won four Drama Desk Awards.  (www.wikipedia.com)

Spring Awakening National Tour

Spring Awakening National Tour

It’s rough.  It’s tough.  It’s controversial.  I promise – it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen before!!  (I feel like I am on the verge of a 30’s traveling circus promotion here…)

“She said: Give me that hand, please
And the itch you can’t control
Let me teach you how to handle
All the sadness in your soul
Oh, we’ll work that silver magic
Then we’ll aim it at the wall
She said:  Love may make you blind kid-
But I wouldn’t mind at all”
- Spring Awakening “The Bitch of Living”

Broadway

New York 2007

Broadway

New York 2007

Spring Awakening is playing at the Fox Theatre from March 9 – 14, 2010.  Don’t miss it!  Get your tickets here ASAP: http://bit.ly/3V9qGl 

See you there!  Promise I’ll try not to sing too loud…  :)

xx, L

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I’d been saving Conan’s last Tonight Show on my TiVo for a few days.  I didn’t have time to watch it when it originally aired, and honestly, who watches anything in real time these days, anyway?  But, I finally saw it last night.  I watched it twice in a row. 

Farewell

Farewell

I am a big Conan O’Brien fan - I’ve always found him to be as bizarre as he is hysterical.  His last airing was really funny and filled with exciting guests; however, my favorite part of the show was relayed to us on more of a serious note.  Conan appealed to his fans, younger viewers in particular, saying:

“Please don’t be cynical.  I hate cynicism.  For the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere.  Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get.  But, if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.  I’m telling you, amazing things will happen.”

I think those are words we can all take to heart.  Thanks for a great seven-month-run, Coco, you will be missed.  My fingers are crossed that we’ll be seeing you on FOX in September! 

22066_248205954635_248204184635_3088922_3003603_n

xx, L

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I can’t help it.  I just do.

My dad used to tell me that he thought excessive gum chewing was just as nasty as dipping chewing tobacco.  While I’ve always seriously valued his opinion, he didn’t come close to stopping me.  Once I learned how to blow a bubble gum bubble, I was able to entertain myself for hours at a time…  (What can I say – easy to please.)

untitled

Growing up, I loved sugar-packed Juicy Fruit and Bubble Yum.  Chewed Cinnaburst (w/ paper, of course) from time to time just to mix things up.  Have even been known to try chocolate-flavored gum.  (Not really a fan, but still had to see what all the fuss was about.)  In recent years, I’ve stuck to Orbitz sweet mint flavored gum as my trusty stand-by.  BUT, I think I may have found the most amazing gum ever at the grocery yesterday!!

I’d like to introduce you to Trident Layers Gum. 

Voila!

Voila!

It. Is. Amazing.  Trident has commercials all over TV right now for it, and again, I just had to see what all the hype was about.  (I am as much of a sucker for hype as Lauren…)  Um, it’s amazing.  I really don’t have much else to say other than I am pretty sure that it is the best gum I’ve ever tried and I am rationing it – so please don’t ask for a piece.

I bought the Green Apple + Golden Pineapple, but the Wild Strawberry + Tangy Citrus flavor sounds awesome, too.  Run – don’t walk - run to your nearest grocery and pick up a pack STAT!

"Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!"

"Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!"

Happy chewing! (Told you so…)

xx, L

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Y’all, this is a big deal – Bob Schneider, my favorite Austin indie rocker, is coming to Smith’s Olde Bar on Wednesday, October 21

Tickets here:
http://www.ticketalternative.com/Events/7774.aspx 
$15 advance/ $18 day of show

Hi, Bob!

Hi, Bob!

I first started listening to Bob when I was living in Austin.  He’s from the area and played in town all the time while I was in college.  Now, he’s playing throughout the southeast and he frequents Smith’s.  In fact, I’ve seen him twice a year at Smith’s over the past five years I’ve lived in Atlanta – which has been awesome and makes me feel right. at. home.

i’ve got so much to put down before that’s all she wrote
i’ve got so much to give before my heart ain’t so broke
i’ve got to find myself before i can ever be alone
ive got a long way to get before i get back home
- Bob Schneider, “A Long Way to Get”

Bob Schneider @ Smiths

Bob Schneider @ Smith's Olde Bar

If you’ve ever driven in my car with me, it’s likely you’ve heard a few of my BS favorites, including: “Big Blue Sea,” “I’m Good Now,” “Blue Skies for Everyone,” “A Long Way to Get,” “Tokyo” and “Gold in the Sunset.”  Bob’s shows in Atlanta are intimate and rockin’ and Smith’s is the perfect venue for him.  It’s such a different (and welcomed) experience from seeing him play in Texas where he is a very popular local celebrity…and everyone remembers when he dated fellow Austinite, the beautimus Sandra Bullock. 

and its days like this that burn me
turn me inside out and learn me
not to tell you anything i think i know
well i think i’ll tell you all i know
i don’t want to be alone – i want to be a stone
i wanna sink to the bottom of the ocean
and lie there with you until i’m gone
at the bottom of the big blue sea
just you and me
at the bottom of the big blue sea”
- Bob Schneider, “Big Blue Sea”

Old School Sandra + Bobby

Old School Sandra + Bobby

I strongly recommend going to the show.  Tickets are cheap, beer will flow – tunes are guaranteed to be stellar.  I hope to see you there!!

drinking cervezas all night long singing mexican love songs
getting all the words all wrong and not giving a damn
hoping that my luck might change feeling crazy acting strange
never worrying about the danger i was in
well i’ve had a might bad run of luck since you left town
sometimes you hit the brakes but you can’t slow down
i know what i want on my damn tombstone
when they put me in the groun
tell them to write it big and tall or not at all
just put i’m good now
- Bob Schneider, “I’m Good Now”

xx, L

Smith’s Olde Bar
1578 Piedmont Ave NE
Atlanta, GA  30324
404.875.1522
www.smithsoldebar.com

Smith's Olde Bar on Urbanspoon

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Yom Kippur, the holiest of all Jewish holidays, is an important day for personal reflection.  You are supposed to fast all day and think about your wrongdoings over the past year.  Although I did not fast this year, I was supportive of fasting friends and family and thought about my personal “evilness” since the beginning of January.  Since I am pretty much a complete angel, it took about 3 1/2 minutes total.  So, I had a couple of hours on my hands to ponder a few other of life’s most debated questions, including: How do they get the ship into the bottle?  Why aren’t airplanes made out of black box material?  Why is soft serve ice cream so much more delicious than the store-bought kind?  What exactly IS mayonnaise?  I think I have it all figured out - just stuck on this brainbuster:

Captain Corndog vs. Baron Von Broccoli

Captain Corndog vs. Baron Von Broccoli

Some mysteries will never be solved…

xx, L

Get one of your own @
Richard’s Variety Store
931 Monroe Drive NE
Atlanta, GA  30305
404.879.9877
www.richardsvarietystore.com

(Coming soon: A detailed blog re. Richard’s from Lauren!)

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I kind of have a thing for Sloane Crosley

Do you know her?  Can you introduce me?? 

She is just so freaking awesome/ hysterical/ I want to be her.  Gosh.  Anyway, she is the author of a book that I think is amazing.  It was very appropriately recommended to me by my hipper-than-thou friend, Mindy, who knows that I like short stories and quirky authors* 

(*Note: David Sedaris is my favorite author. Still trying to figure out how I can be adopted by the Sedaris family and live with David and Amy in La-La Land constantly mocking the human condition and making lopsided birthday cakes with fuchsia and turquoise icing.  Oh, the life…)

hello, david and amy!  hi.

"well hello, david and amy! hi."

Anyway, Sloane’s book is called: I Was Told There’d Be Cake.  It is a collection of her personal essays ranging from childhood to present as a young New Yorker.  Her essays and criticism have appeared in The New York Times, BlackBook magazine, The New York Observer, The Village Voice, Playboy Magazine, Maxim Magazine, Mirabella and numerous other literary journals and websites.  They are just so freaking hysterical – and it’s a very fast read.

6a00e398d310ac0001011017a50ad3860e-500pi


Here’s what her website says about the book:
   From accidentally despoiling an exhibit at the Museum of Natural History to siccing the cops on the wrong neighbor, Sloane Crosley can do no right, despite the best of intentions—or perhaps because of them.  In a sharp, original storytelling style that confounds expectations at every turn, Crosley recounts her victories and catastrophes in an irresistible voice that is all her own, finding genuine insights in the most unpredictable places.  (www.sloanecrosley.com)

Sloane Crosley

Sloane Crosley

My personal favorite of Sloane’s essays is the first one,  The Pony Problem, where she frets over what people would think if she suddenly died and family members, friends and/or emergency medical personnel witnessed the state of her Manhattan apartment and found her hidden pony collection – each one thoughtfully (and predictably) given to her by every guy she’s ever dated.

The Pony Problem

The Pony Problem

Below are a few of my favorite exerpts from I Was Told There’d Be Cake:

“I find that anything culturally significant that happened before ‘93 I associate with the decade before it. In fact, Oregon Trail is one of a handful of signposts that middle school existed at all.”

“I never asked my mother where babies came from but I remember clearly the day she volunteered the information….my mother called me to set the table for dinner. She sat me down in the kitchen, and under the classic caveat of ‘loving each other very, very much,’ explained that when a man and a woman hug tightly, the man plants a seed in the woman. The seed grows into a baby. Then she sent me to the pantry to get placemats. As a direct result of this conversation, I wouldn’t hug my father for two months.”

“I was taught that candles are like house cats – domesticated versions of something wild and dangerous. There’s no way to know how much of that killer instinct lurks in the darkness. I used to think the house-burning paranoia was the result of some upper-middle-class fear regarding the potential destruction of a half-million-dollar Westchester house the size of a matchbox. But then I realized the fear stemmed from something far less complex: we’re not used to fire. Candles are a staple of the Judaic existence and, like many suburban residents before us, we’re pretty bad Jews.”

“Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.”

“It seemed more and more like something out of a children’s book – the butterfly that followed the little girl all the way home to her fifth-floor walk-up. How above-the-law children’s books are. Hansel and Gretel (littering, breaking and entering), Rumpelstiltskin (forced labor), Snow White (conspiracy to commit murder), Rapunzel (breach of contract).”

I sincerely hope you enjoy this book as much as I did.  Thank you, Sloane, for sharing your brilliance and for so many great laughs!  Please write another.

xx, L

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