For Men

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Attention Men: You want to know the fastest route to retirement?  It’s located in a bottle of THIS:

Abercrombie Woods Cologne

Abercrombie Woods Cologne

I am not kidding.  Allow me to explain…

I think my sense of smell has to be my most developed of the five – I’m sure my parents would agree that it is certainly not hearing…  Although I am a bit scent-sensitive, I love how a scent can transport you back in time.  I’ll smell industrial cleaner and immediately think of sleep-away camp or my sorority house.  Dryer sheets make me think of my mom.  Bath + Body Works “Plumeria” Body Spray reminds me of my junior high locker room.  Firewood reminds me of the holidays.  And, Abercrombie Woods cologne makes me think of being young. 

All the boys wore it during high school.  It is very identifiable and still gives me butterflies in my stomach.  I ran out of perfume the other night at Slick’s house when I was getting ready for dinner and fished around in his drawer to find something I could spritz instead.  

Infallible Logic: Slick wears cologne.  He likes how his cologne smells.  If I wear his cologne (for one night), he’s obviously going to like how it smells on me because, well, he bought it… 

Anyway, he has about 30 cologne bottles in a drawer under his sink.  I reached to the bottom, and much to my surprise, I came up with a bottle of Abercrombie Woods.  I sprayed it on and Slick complimented me on it twice before we left his place. 

The next day, I wore it again.  We decided that Woods was probably one of the best colognes ever created, and although we didn’t realize it before, we had missed it.  I noticed that the bottle was dangerously low, and since V-Day is quickly approaching, I went online to see if I could order him a replacement.   Well, that is just not happening.  (Sorry, Slick.) 

Much to my dismay, Abercrombie stopped producing Woods in winter 2005.  WHY?!  Seriously, why would they do that?!  Obviously I haven’t been into A+F in five years to know that it was discontinued, but STILL.  It was such an amazing cologne!  I just cannot believe that they stopped making it!  I am astonished.

Now, you can get a bottle on Amazon for a whopping $299: http://bit.ly/7fMqrh
(Sold a bit cheaper on Perfume Network, but still… http://bit.ly/7hWaDT)
While I do enjoy a good sale and love finding bargains, I am certainly not cheap.  However, I cannot even imagine paying upwards of $200 for Abercrombie cologne.  I just can’t!

Unbelievable.

Moral of the story:  Never throw anything away.  If you happen to still have a bottle of Woods that you bought in 2001 for $38.00 – Don’t. Use. It.  Don’t let your girlfriend use it when she runs out of perfume.  Sell it on eBay and go to Vegas.  Go to Bacchanalia.  Give it to your favorite bloggers…  Just keep it far away from me, please.  = Torture.  :(

xx, L

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The last I heard, the female to male ratio is Atlanta is 3/1.

200405907-001

However, men - if you are having difficulty finding “that special someone” and you happen to be a member of L.A. Fitness, I would like to cordially invite you to my workout class (Body Works + Abs) every Wednesday evening at 7:00 p.m. and Sunday mornings at 11:00 a.m.  in Atlantic Station(I am a total sucker for workout classes…)

Feast your eyes.  And, you’re welcome…

81_physical_98

Last Wednesday, I counted roughly 38 attractive women (38!!) and a mere three men in my class.  The class is HARD, too.  It’s taught by one of the greatest L.A. Fitness instructors ever, Mike, who incorporates a lot of P90X techniques into our workout.  Anyway, the class is real-deal and it’s pretty social.  Each time I go to it, I think that it would be a prime pick-up spot for guys.  And, I regret not better hydrating before class… 

L.A. Fitness – Atlantic Station Class Schedule: http://www.lafitness.com/Pages/clubClassSchedule.aspx?clubid=384

Just sayin’.

xx, L

la_fitness

L.A. Fitness – Atlantic Station
261 19th St. Suite 1140
Atlanta, GA  30363
404.810.9015
 
www.lafitness.com

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Dear Potential Knights-in-Shining-Armor,

I’d like to offer you all a little advice regarding the feminine mystique.

Sincerely yours,

L

Let’s talk Girl Talk

I’m pretty much an expert considering I’ve been Girl Talk-ing since 1988 – thanks to our neighborhood Toys”R”Us! 

Girl Talk circa 1988
                          Girl Talk circa 1988

And, I’m still Girl Talk-ing today…  Thanks, Mr. Gillis, for all the super-fantastic workout tunes.

Girl Talk circa 2009

Girl Talk circa 2009

Let’s get to business…

The National Institute for Mental Health claims that the human brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A52687-2005Jan31.html).  I think it is safe to say that most of our lovely Q+DD readers are teetering around or are over quarterlife, so I think it’s time for us to all start understanding each other – and I’d like to help!

confused-man

I am sure it is not surprising to anyone to hear that females aren’t generally literal.  We sugarcoat, dance around issues and we rarely say exactly what we mean.  We do this to men and women alike.  We find it difficult to tell a friend that her new haircut is heinous or that “yes, you do, in fact, look particularly enormous in that outfit.”  Oftentimes, we say one thing, but mean another completely – and we expect our men to know what we really mean.  Naturally, this misdirection confuses men.  So, here’s a little cheat sheet to help you guys out:

What Women Say vs. What We Mean…

1- Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2- Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed – this means a half an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3- Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm.  This means something – and you should be on your toes.  Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine.”

4- Go Ahead:  This is a dare – not permission.  Don’t. Do. It.

5- Loud Sigh:
  This is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men.  A loud sigh does not mean that she is tired.  It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.  (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of “nothing.”)

6- That’s Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.  “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7- Thanks:  A woman is thanking you – do not question.  Just say you’re welcome.  (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says “Thanks a lot” – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say “you’re welcome.”  That will likely evoke a “whatever”).

8- Whatever:
 Is a women’s way of cursing without sounding like a sailor.

9- Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it:
  Another dangerous statement – meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself.  This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”  For the woman’s response refer to #3.

10- It’s Your Decision: The correction decision should be obvious by now…

IMPORTANT:  When a woman asks: “Do I look fat in this dress?”  You should NEVER say “yes.”  Ever.  What she is really saying is: “We haven’t had a fight in a while.”  It’s a trap.  Don’t fall for it – you are smarter than that.

jessica rabbit

Print this out.  Study it.  Keep it in your wallet for reference.  And, feel free to contact the Q+DD (thequickanddirtydirty@gmail.com) with follow-up questions.  Good luck out there! 

We are rooting for you!!

xx, L

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I realize that I could never date any of you lovely readers after revealing my cards like I am about to do, but for the sake of the blog (and being in a relationship) - I’m going to take that risk.  I totally have a “go-to” first date place that is the perrrrrrrfect spot to go out with ”that special someone” for the first time. 

I am a sucker for Apres Diem in Midtown – and here are my Top 10 reasons why:

Apres Diem - Atlanta

Apres Diem - Atlanta

10 – Situated in on the border of the Virginia Highlands and Midtown, Apres Diem is under 1 mile away from my condo – which makes it super convenient for me when I am running the predictable five minutes late for a date.  (Selfish, I know…)

9 - AD is an adorable euro-style cafe with a friendly, and heavily accented, staff and it’s got a super patio  – which I totally recommend over sitting inside. 

8 - People are constantly coming and going in and out of the restaurant and the scene is always changing.  I don’t think that Apres Diem even really knows what it is…  Certain times throughout the day it feels like a straight-up coffee shop.  I’ve been there when there’s a DJ and it feels like a European disco.  Lunch and dinner  – you name it.  It’s also perfect before catching an artsy-fartsy movie next door at Midtown Arts Cinema.

7 - They have a great beer and wine list.  I suggest checking out one of their Malbecs, love their Albarino and my fav. beer on the list is the Kronenbourg.  Also, the AD bartenders know how to make a mean Grey Goose gimlet.

6 - Parking is difficult, so you have a nice little stroll with your date to your car – which is awesome (assuming the date went well).

5 - Attractive waitstaff will keep your attention if your date doesn’t.  Just saying…

4 - Apres Diem is hip and feels unique.  You don’t feel like you are in a strip mall in the middle of the city.  Upon entering the restaurant, you feel transported to Europe.

3 - The restaurant is dimly lit and has a variety of seating options – tables, half-booths and comfy chairs.  The atmosphere is intimate without feeling overly-romantic.

2 - They have a killer dessert case – which is always useful to prolong a good date.  I’d recommend their pita + hummus and the ahi tuna appetizer, too!

1 – Because I said so…

I’m a big, big fan of Apres Diem and totally recommend it for your next first date.  Try it out and let me know what you think!

xx, L
feature

Apres Diem (Diem Family Restaurants)
931 Monroe Drive NE #C103
Atlanta, GA  30308
404.872.3333
www.apresdiem.com

Apres Diem on Urbanspoon

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My 6 pound yorkie wears a light pink collar…embroidered with skulls and crossbones. Her tiny little harness is Harley-esque with a big white flame emblazoned upon her chest. It cracks me up every time I put them on her. I love a little unexpected rock and roll.

So you can imagine my delight when my seestah and brother-in-law educated me on Psycho Bunny: a high-end men’s line of deliciously preppy looking accessories all boasting Psycho Bunny’s signature logo, a bunny head + crossbones, artfully intertwined with the design.

psychobunny
The line started in the fall of ‘06 as a small neckwear collection, but now includes not only ties, but also socks, belt buckles, cuff links, pocket squares and more!

pbunny1pbunny2pbunny3pbunny4pbunnysox
I think I could love a man in those cuff links. I do.

xx, L

Psycho Bunny by Robert Godley
www.psycho-bunny.com
(also available at Gus Mayer www.gusmayer.com.)

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L+L are here to assist. Let us just air a few grievances in the hopes that if you are committing any of these crimes, you can cease and desist immediately. You would all be surprised how much the ladies judge you on your wardrobe choices – especially within the first five dates. You’re welcome in advance.

1. Pleated Pants. No. Just no.pleats2. Excessive cologne. You may need to switch it up from time to time in case your nose gets immune to your scent and you begin to drown yourself in it.

3. Man Sandals. (or “man-dals”) Unless you’re planning on turning water into wine, please go find some flops for this purpose. Some brands to check out: Rainbow, Reef, Haviana, or J Crew. Old Navy will do just fine, too.

Not okay.

Not okay.

3(b). Strictly forbidden: any sandals with socks.

4. Sleeveless shirts. Sun’s out, guns out? We think not.

5. Shorts: PLEASE be mindful of short shorts. Here is the quick and dirty (dirty) guide to proper length: no shorter than two fingers above the knee.

5(b). Jean shorts (also known as “jorts”) are strictly prohibited. Even if you ARE from Florida.

photo credit: fantanalysts.com

photo credit: fantanalysts.com

5(c). Cargo shorts died with the turn of the century.

5(d). Whale (and other embroidered) belts with shorts are acceptable – but only in the preppiest parts of the country (like the South and the Upper East Side). Please do not let us catch you in a woven belt unless you are headed straight for the set of My So Called Life. In 1995.

www.vineyardvines.com  Presh!

www.vineyardvines.com Presh!

6. High waters: please make sure your pants and jeans are the proper length! Slacks and khakis should be hemmed to hit at the top of your shoe’s heel. Your jeans can be a little longer, to the bottom of the heel, but anything longer is too long. We should not be able to see any of your sock as you walk. When you sit, we shouldn’t see any more than a few inches.

If you need to hem your jeans (and boys, you might.), be sure to ask your tailor for a “New York hem” or to “keep the original hem” If you go to Gills’s alterations by Lenox mall (3400 Around Lenox Rd NE  30326 (404) 261-8157), they won’t let you leave there looking like a jerk. Fact.

7. Hair product: use it right, or not at all. If your hair looks wet or crunchy, you have over-gelled and that is a problem. Move immediately to New Jersey – do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200.

It's my new haircut

It's my new haircut

8. Ear piercings are the quickest way to an unreturned phone call.

9. Baseball hats = sexy. But there is a time, there is a place. Please be mindful of sweat stains. Ick.

10. Logos that are not okay on t-shirts unless working out: Hard Rock Café, Hooters, Planet Hollywood, Co-ed Naked anything, any fraternity/sorority t-shirt if you are over the age of 24, flashy designer names (are you being paid for endorsements?) and anything you got free at a trade show.

10(b). If you elect to wear a graphic t-shirt (Ed Hardy or the like) and your friend shows up in the same brand, one of you must immediately change. (We’d personally prefer that both of you change, but if you must, you must.)

11. Leather (bomber) jackets are so 1992. Please. You are not a pilot.

bomber12. Camo. This is tricky. It’s ok sometimes. One piece per ensemble and only in very casual environments. Preferably pants. You may want to consult with us first.

13. Wrinkled shirts at work. They could get you fired. Please ask your lady to iron, or figure out how to do this yourself.

13(b). Ratty clothing in general. We don’t care if the Braves ALWAYS win when you wear this shirt or it’s your prized possession from your backpacking trip across Europe. If it has pit stains and/or holes – pitch it.

14. Please no sunglasses inside unless you are Kanye West or Usher Raymond.

15. Jewelry: One necklace. Maybe. No heavy metal chains…ever! Your medical alert bracelet can slide. Maybe.

I pity the fool!

I pity the fool!

It had to be said. Again, you’re welcome.

xx, L + L

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