Attention Boys:

L+L are here to assist. Let us just air a few grievances in the hopes that if you are committing any of these crimes, you can cease and desist immediately. You would all be surprised how much the ladies judge you on your wardrobe choices – especially within the first five dates. You’re welcome in advance.

1. Pleated Pants. No. Just no.2. Excessive cologne. You may need to switch it up from time to time in case your nose gets immune to your scent and you begin to drown yourself in it.

3. Man Sandals. (or “man-dals”) Unless you’re planning on turning water into wine, please go find some flops for this purpose. Some brands to check out: Rainbow, Reef, Haviana, or J Crew. Old Navy will do just fine, too.

Not okay.

3(b). Strictly forbidden: any sandals with socks.

4. Sleeveless shirts. Sun’s out, guns out? We think not.

5. Shorts: PLEASE be mindful of short shorts. Here is the quick and dirty (dirty) guide to proper length: no shorter than two fingers above the knee.

5(b). Jean shorts (also known as “jorts”) are strictly prohibited. Even if you ARE from Florida.

5(c). Cargo shorts died with the turn of the century.

5(d). Whale (and other embroidered) belts with shorts are acceptable – but only in the preppiest parts of the country (like the South and the Upper East Side). Please do not let us catch you in a woven belt unless you are headed straight for the set of My So Called Life. In 1995.

www.vineyardvines.com Presh!

6. High waters: please make sure your pants and jeans are the proper length! Slacks and khakis should be hemmed to hit at the top of your shoe’s heel. Your jeans can be a little longer, to the bottom of the heel, but anything longer is too long. We should not be able to see any of your sock as you walk. When you sit, we shouldn’t see any more than a few inches.

If you need to hem your jeans (and boys, you might.), be sure to ask your tailor for a “New York hem” or to “keep the original hem” If you go to Gills’s alterations by Lenox mall (3400 Around Lenox Rd NE  30326 (404) 261-8157), they won’t let you leave there looking like a jerk. Fact.

7. Hair product: use it right, or not at all. If your hair looks wet or crunchy, you have over-gelled and that is a problem. Move immediately to New Jersey – do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200.

It's my new haircut

8. Ear piercings are the quickest way to an unreturned phone call.

9. Baseball hats = sexy. But there is a time, there is a place. Please be mindful of sweat stains. Ick.

10. Logos that are not okay on t-shirts unless working out: Hard Rock Café, Hooters, Planet Hollywood, Co-ed Naked anything, any fraternity/sorority t-shirt if you are over the age of 24, flashy designer names (are you being paid for endorsements?) and anything you got free at a trade show.

10(b). If you elect to wear a graphic t-shirt (Ed Hardy or the like) and your friend shows up in the same brand, one of you must immediately change. (We’d personally prefer that both of you change, but if you must, you must.)

11. Leather (bomber) jackets are so 1992. Please. You are not a pilot.

12. Camo. This is tricky. It’s ok sometimes. One piece per ensemble and only in very casual environments. Preferably pants. You may want to consult with us first.

13. Wrinkled shirts at work. They could get you fired. Please ask your lady to iron, or figure out how to do this yourself.

13(b). Ratty clothing in general. We don’t care if the Braves ALWAYS win when you wear this shirt or it’s your prized possession from your backpacking trip across Europe. If it has pit stains and/or holes – pitch it.

14. Please no sunglasses inside unless you are Kanye West or Usher Raymond.

15. Jewelry: One necklace. Maybe. No heavy metal chains…ever! Your medical alert bracelet can slide. Maybe.

I pity the fool!

It had to be said. Again, you’re welcome.

xx, L + L